


Let Me Down Slowly

by SoftServeTY



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Cheating, Emotional Hurt, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mental Breakdown, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 03:16:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17459591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftServeTY/pseuds/SoftServeTY
Summary: Taeyong is finally happy. He has a thriving job, an apartment, and a loving boyfriend. But, when Jaehyun's work becomes more stressful, Taeyong begins to notice some changes in his boyfriend. Ultimately, it starts affecting their relationship, and Taeyong can't seem to find the strength to fix it, or to leave it.Inspired by Alec Benjamin's song "Let Me Down Slowly".





	Let Me Down Slowly

**Author's Note:**

> Just a disclaimer; in no way does this story reflect how I feel towards Jaehyun. I love all of the NCT members and this is simply a work of fiction.
> 
> This work is inspired by Alec Benjamin's song "Let Me Down Slowly" so I recommend you to listen to the song before, during, or after reading.

Taeyong loved Jaehyun, and Jaehyun him — it was as simple as that. Two years into their relationship and Jaehyun had convinced Taeyong into getting an apartment together, where they both still currently resided. It was a quaint little apartment, not too big, but comfortable for two people. Two people who didn’t mind being close with each other.

The closeness factor had been a little lacking lately. Jaehyun regrettably has been working overtime at his office job, a deadline for the company approaching soon. But, Jaehyun said that this is a big project for them, and that if they get as many sponsorships as it is looking like they’ll get right now, then this will be their biggest break yet. Taeyong trusts Jaehyun, so he lets him work himself to the bone, comforting the younger the best he can when he comes home in the dead of night from those late shifts.

Taeyong stays up specifically for that reason, to be there when Jaehyun comes home. He knows that Jaehyun is fragile, gets overwhelmed easily by taking on more tasks because he’s too kind. There’s little that he can do when it comes to his job, but Taeyong welcomes Jaehyun home with open arms every night he returns, a plate of dinner freshly heated up for him since it had always turned cold long ago.

Jaehyun would always be grateful, some nights a little passive out of exhaustion, but still thankful nonetheless. Tonight was a little different. When Taeyong heard Jaehyun fumbling with his keys and door handle from his position bundled up comfortably on their living room couch, he skipped over to the entrance door.

“Welcome home, Jaehyun!” Taeyong chimed, voice soft and airy — a tone he knew Jaehyun couldn’t resist since he had told him many times before that he loved when Taeyong got all sing-songy like that.

He waited for Jaehyun to respond to him, but he didn’t. He could understand if he was too tired to talk right now, but he didn’t even look at him when he stepped inside. All he did was immediately bend over to take off his shoes. Even when he straightened back up, he brushed past Taeyong who stood there, waiting for any kind of acknowledgement.

“How was your day, honey?” Taeyong said a little softer this time, careful of his voice because maybe he was being a bit too energetic for Jaehyun right now. He added the term of endearment for good measure, because he knew that Jaehyun liked when they were a little disgustingly cute with each other.

“Tiresome, exhausting. The usual nowadays” he replied halfheartedly as he made his way to the kitchen. A routine that he had picked up once he started staying later for work.

“I made your favorites!” Taeyong said excitedly, hoping to perk up his overworked boyfriend since he had been so drained lately. He swerved around Jaehyun who was dragging his feet through the house, pulling his plate out of the refrigerator to heat it up for him.

“Did you now?” Jaehyun had a lilt to his voice once he had caught up to his energetic boyfriend, a playful tone that didn’t go unnoticed by Taeyong. That was better, he liked when Jaehyun was more carefree like this.

When he turned around from the microwave after punching in the numbers to adequately heat up the food, he hadn’t expected Jaehyun to be right behind him. The taller man steadied Taeyong who stumbled back a bit out of surprise, wrapping an arm around his waist to press him close to his body. Jaehyun didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to, because Taeyong could tell by the dimply smile on his face, heavy with fatigue yet crinkled eyes, and the warm hand on the small of his back, that Jaehyun was grateful.

The taller man leaned down to kiss Taeyong softly on the mouth. It was just a peck, but the gesture warmed Taeyong’s body all over. Melting from his lovers touch was a sensation that Taeyong had yet to grow accustomed to, it still set butterflies aflutter in his stomach, his head feeling a foot above where it actually resided, and his heart sometimes felt like it was going to burst out from his throat. He briefly wondered if he would ever get used to this, or get tired of Jaehyun’s touch. But, that was a silly question, because he already knew the answer.

He could never get tired of Jaehyun.

 

*

 

Several weeks pass and Jaehyun’s job hasn’t gotten any better. Taeyong has briefly mentioned to him that maybe he should look into other job offerings, but _only_ briefly because Jaehyun quickly shoots him down every time. Taeyong even offered to help him look and apply of course, but it was something that Jaehyun felt was unnecessary, assuring the smaller that this was only temporary and that once this project was over everything would be smooth sailing.

Jaehyun was coming home later and later, crawling into bed beside Taeyong, who just couldn’t stay up for him anymore, not when he had his own job to go to in the morning. Jaehyun pulled himself in close to Taeyong, nuzzling his face in the back of his neck. Taeyong pushed down the uneasy feeling caused by the smell of alcohol on Jaehyun’s breath, convincing himself that it was from the younger’s company forcing him to go out drinking. It wasn’t uncommon, but they had never made him stay out this late before.

Morning comes, and Taeyong makes Jaehyun a proper breakfast, wanting him to have a substantial amount of energy to get him through the day, because he knew that Jaehyun often forgets to take care of himself when he’s stressed. The latter is currently sitting at their kitchen table, munching on a piece of toast with his eyes closed, attempting to get in some last minute moments of rest.

“Honey?” Taeyong pipes up, stationed at the sink, cleaning the dirty dishes that he had used to make breakfast. Jaehyun simply makes a grunt in response, too tired to crack his eyes open or form words. “Our anniversary is next weekend.”

“Are you trying to remind me Taeyong?” Jaehyun smiled weakly in Taeyong’s direction, “as if I could forget the day I met you.”

Taeyong couldn’t help the smile that crept across his face, or the growing heat that he felt prickling at the tips of his ears. Jaehyun had always had a way of making him feel so loved, so spoiled. Something that the assortment of guys that Taeyong had met before Jaehyun lacked. They had never liked him for _him_ , just his body. It wasn’t something that Taeyong liked to think about, and Jaehyun didn’t like it when he got into that headspace either. But, he knew that Jaehyun would be here with him from now on, ready and willing to shield him from everything.

“I’ll find a way to get a day off from work, rest assured. I’ll work days ahead, get all of my work done so that they can’t argue when I ask off” he looked at Taeyong this time, a smile forming as he bit into his toast.

Taeyong spared him a playful glance over his shoulder, mild shyness taking over his body, to the point where he can only mumble out “m’kay”.

Next weekend rolls around and Jaehyun hasn’t spoken any further on the matter. But, Taeyong waits in their empty apartment, opting on the chance that Jaehyun has planned some big surprise and is going to burst through the door any minute. Or that he did indeed get caught up at work, fumbling defeatedly home with a bouquet of roses in his hand.

Taeyong heard keys jingle at 2AM, very much aware of what time it was, but he kept telling himself that it was because of work. There were no roses, no chocolate, not even a card. Not even a “happy shitty anniversary, darling”. Taeyong had told himself that he wasn’t going to get mad, because he was sure that if Jaehyun was out this late that it was because of work and he knew that it was something that was hard for him to control. But, the Jaehyun in front of him right now didn’t seem to be tired, just _very_ drunk.

“Where have you been?” Taeyong questioned as he helped to steady a very unbalanced Jaehyun, the larger man draping across Taeyong’s much smaller frame.

“Bar...drinkin’” Jaehyun giggled, making shot chugging motions with his ungraceful hand.

“With your coworkers?”

“Mhm” Jaehyun hummed sleepily, leaning into Taeyong’s hold.

“Jae...do you know what today is?” Taeyong spoke slowly, trying to control the mixture of anger and sadness bubbling up inside of him.

Jaehyun pulled away from Taeyong slightly to look at his expression, an action that wasn’t exactly the brightest considering that he could hardly hold his head up straight. A few moments of silence passed as Taeyong visibly saw the coggs churning in Jaehyun’s head.

“SHIT!” Jaehyun suddenly exclaimed. “I’m sorry Taeyong...god I-...fuck” he cursed himself repeatedly. Taeyong could see Jaehyun’s eyes becoming glassy, and suddenly _he_ felt like the bad guy.

He pulled Jaehyun’s face into his shoulder, his hand stroking softly at Jaehyun’s hair while the other rubbed soothing circles between his shoulder blades. He eventually persuaded his big oaf of a boyfriend to come to bed with him, because _god_ he was tired.

Even when Taeyong had Jaehyun all wrapped up in their blankets, the larger man’s face pressed into his chest, and his arm resting across Jaehyun’s back to pull him closer, angling up to play with his hair in a simple gesture of intimacy — Jaehyun was still snivelling and whimpering drunken whines of apology that didn’t quite make sense.

 

*

 

Overtime, Jaehyun’s late night adventures became worse, even resulting in him not coming home at all on some nights. The first night it happened Taeyong messaged and called Jaehyun frantically when he woke up at 4AM and Jaehyun still wasn’t in bed with him. Panic flowed through him the longer he stared at his phone screen, waiting for it to light up with Jaehyun’s name on it.

He wasn’t able to sleep for a second that night, worried sick as to what had happened to Jaehyun. This had never happened before, Jaehyun had _always_ come home. Even when the sun rose, there was still no response from Jaehyun. Taeyong was in the middle of getting dressed, ready to go to the police office to file a missing persons report when he heard their front door open slowly.

He raced towards the sound, an intense wave of relief, rage, and anguish hitting him all at once. It was at this moment when they had their first big fight — Taeyong screaming and crying about how worried he was, and Jaehyun’s half assed excuse about how he was drunk and it was late, so he stayed at a hotel because he didn’t want to wake up Taeyong.

Taeyong was no fool, because as much as he wished he couldn’t notice it, he smelt an unfamiliar cologne on Jaehyun’s body. They continued to fight as Jaehyun changed out of his dirty suit into a new one — freshly washed and dried thanks to Taeyong last night — but Taeyong never brought up the topic of the cologne, because he was too drained to go into that this morning. He only became more enraged due to the fact that Jaehyun wasn’t _listening_ to him, simply giving him short replies as he mumbled about how he was going to be late for work, all while Taeyong was pouring his heart out to him.

This wasn’t like Jaehyun — whatever this _thing_ was that he was morphing into — it wasn’t _his_ Jaehyun.

 

*

 

Their lives go on, Jaehyun from time to time still doesn’t come home at night. It was really hard for Taeyong at first, but he’s used to it now — as used to it as he can be. All he asks is that Jaehyun call or message him before he stays out late, and he’s thankful when Jaehyun at least grants him that much.

Taeyong ignores Jaehyun when he comes home in the morning — doesn’t want to become any more familiar with the mystery cologne on Jaehyun’s clothes than he already is. The nights when Jaehyun _does_ come home are a little better, even though Jaehyun seems a little distant, at least he’s _here_.

Taeyong knows he’s weak — he’s known since he started allowing Jaehyun to come home so late after office drinking nights, and since he hasn’t asked Jaehyun about the cologne. He knows he’s weak, and that’s why he still curls up next to Jaehyun on their couch while they watch TV — trying as hard as he can to pretend that everything is alright. But, even though Jaehyun is there, right beside him, it feels like he really isn’t.

Whenever they find the time to make love, it’s become more of an act to relieve physical stress, and less of way for them to bond emotionally. Taeyong calls Jaehyun’s name, clinging to him feebly as their breath becomes haggard and mingled. He chants Jaehyun’s name repeatedly, determined to have the younger pay attention to him. But, Jaehyun has his head tucked over Taeyong’s shoulder, facing away from him, and Taeyong finds his voice trailing off more and more each time his cries go unanswered.

It’s awful. Usually whenever they finished, Taeyong would feel so loved, so warm in Jaehyun’s arms as they whispered sweet nothings to each other. But, now all he got was a peck on the side of his head before Jaehyun turned on his side to go to bed, leaving Taeyong with this nauseating sense of loss and lack of value. Like he wasn’t important to Jaehyun anymore. Like he didn’t _matter_.

Taeyong couldn’t help but to be reminded of the scumbags who he had met before Jaehyun. The ones who would talk trash to him, but then give him backhanded compliments in hopes to get in between his legs — and it usually worked. When Jaehyun had found him, Taeyong was at an all time low. But, Jaehyun picked him up, made him see that not all men are wretched human beings. Taeyong thought that he was _the one_. He wanted — wants — Jaehyun to be the one.

 

*

 

It’s the weekend, and Jaehyun _finally_ has the day off from work after what seems like eternity. Taeyong is ecstatic, already planning things for them to do. Like going for a walk, talking about silly things while they hold hands and people watch. Making dinner together while they listen to music, maybe getting caught up in the music and dancing with each other to the point that they almost ruin the food. And preferably rekindling their bedroom antics as well to top it off.

But, Jaehyun is shut away in his study, working diligently for his job even on his day off. Taeyong’s heart sinks a little more, but he waits patiently for Jaehyun to finish, checking in from time to time to make sure that he hasn’t passed out. He brings him food during meal times because Jaehyun is too focused to realize where the time is going, each time he visits him the younger assures Taeyong that he’ll only be a little longer. Taeyong doesn’t get his hopes up, knowing that Jaehyun’s promises lately hardly amount to anything.

It’s time for Taeyong to go to bed and even though Jaehyun has been in the house all day, it feels like he hasn’t been there at all. Taeyong prays to whatever deity there is that Jaehyun’s project ends soon, and that they win it, because he wants his boyfriend back. His love.

Taeyong wakes up around 12AM, realizing that Jaehyun isn’t in bed beside him. He crawls out of bed, shuddering at the particularly cold air tonight. He drags his tired body in the direction towards Jaehyun’s study, muscle memory kicking in as he treads carefully in the darkness. His feet drag across the frigid tile, steps patting in a rhythmic march as he looks for the light of Jaehyun’s study.

As he approaches the light, he begins to hear faint hushed talking. Taeyong thought that he was imagining it at first, because who would Jaehyun be talking to this late at night? But, as he drew closer, he learned that Jaehyun was indeed talking to someone. Taeyong pressed up against the wall of the room that Jaehyun was in, listening as intently as he could, forcing himself to wake up.

“I know you wanted me to come over today, I’m sorry...but I really did have a lot of work. Since we’ve been hanging out I’ve been losing sleep and that makes me perform poorly at work. So I had a lot of work piling up that needed to get done...no I’m not blaming you of course not, I like spending time with you. I’ll make it up to you, okay? How about we get together next weekend hmm? Some proper time together, not just meeting up late at night when we’re both really tired. Does that sound good? Alright! It’s a date! I’ll see you then.”

Taeyong’s heart practically leapt out of his throat when he heard Jaehyun coming near the door. He shuffled as quickly and quietly away as possible. His easiest root of exit was the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water to look occupied. Jaehyun rounded the corner, visibly startled when he saw Taeyong.

“Yongie-” Taeyong nearly staggered at the word, legs losing their strength and wobbling beneath him. Once his favorite nickname, but now it was just filled with so much heartache. “Why aren’t you asleep, honey?”

Taeyong couldn’t tell if the concern on his face was real or not, but a part of him — a large part — still hoped that it was real.

“I just woke up a little thirsty, I’m going back to bed now” he said slowly, clearing his throat as he gulped the last of his water.

He got back into bed, Jaehyun following close behind a few minutes later after changing into more comfortable clothes. He crawled in beside him, arm wrapping around Taeyong’s waist as he pulled the elder in close to him. Taeyong couldn’t believe him. He turned around on his other side, too weak to look at Jaehyun’s peaceful and happy face. Because if he looked at him, he didn’t know if he could be mad at the younger, didn’t know if he could believe what he had just heard was true and that he wasn’t dreaming. Didn’t know if his heart would fall just a little more for Jaehyun.

 

*

 

The next weekend rolls around and Taeyong anxiously waits to see if Jaehyun does for some reason decide to leave the house. They’re cozied up in bed together, Taeyong with his head resting on Jaehyun’s chest while he scrolls through his phone and the younger reads a book. Taeyong is hardly paying attention to the unimportant posts on his phone, too focused on the way Jaehyun’s phone is going off a little too frequently to be normal, and he keeps reaching for it every now then, seeming to check the time.

It’s around lunch time when Jaehyun grabs his coat and says that he’s getting food with some of his team members to discuss the finalization of their project. Taeyong asks him around what time he thinks he’ll be back home, expecting the response that he’ll get, but that doesn’t mean that it hurts any less when he actually hears it aloud. Jaehyun tells him that it could turn out to be an all day affair, to not wait up for him.

Taeyong wishes that he could stop waiting for Jaehyun. Wishes that he had the courage to leave him. He wants to be strong, wants to stand on his own two feet, yet all he can do is dangle weakly from Jaehyun’s ankles. He wishes that he was bulletproof, wishes that Jaehyun would end things with him so that he can move on, so that he can be happy again. But, he’s made of glass. He would have thought that all of the dirtbags he went through before Jaehyun would have made him strong — thick skinned — but instead all they did was hurt his character beyond repair. Taeyong was too damaged to do anything aside from stay quiet, letting this _thing_ between them — whatever it was — ride out.

 

*

 

It’s been three months in the making, but the big project that Jaehyun’s company had been working on finally came to a close, with the outcome being better than the group had set as their goal. Jaehyun was ecstatic, when he came home that day he swooped Taeyong up in his arms, kissing his face endearingly. His dimples popped as he smiled ear to ear, voicing about how happy he was to be finally done and that now they’ll have more free time.

Jaehyun’s happiness radiated into Taeyong, a creeping warmth that kindled his frigid heart, spreading with its branches to the rest of his body. They made love that night. It was like Taeyong remembered, slow, hot, and attentive. Jaehyun wasn’t absent anymore, he was looking at Taeyong, practically swallowing him whole with his gaze. The pieces fell back into place naturally, Taeyong could see — could almost touch — the glimmer of their relationship reforming itself.

Taeyong wakes up a little later than usual the next morning, body drained, but it was the good kind of tired. It was worth it, because it was a night well spent in Jaehyun’s arms. He heard the running water of the shower in the distance, no doubt Jaehyun. Apparently the younger was feeling chipper this morning, because usually Taeyong always woke up before him.

Taeyong rubbed at his eyes, dragging his feet across the carpet over to their dresser to put on clothes and look decent. He was digging around in his pants drawer when something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. A small, black velvet box was tucked underneath one of Jaehyun’s white dress shirts. A corner of the box was poking out, the black a bold contrast from the white of his shirt.

Taeyong glanced up and down between it and the direction where he still heard the shower running. Curiosity got the better of him, reaching down for the box, even though it was obviously hidden from him. When he opened it, a small, sparkling ring glistened in the light. His breath hitched in his throat, tears pricking behind his eyes. He had his suspicions when he saw the box, but he hadn’t exactly expected it to be a ring. Jaehyun must have bought this with the raise he got from completing the project. The very thought that Jaehyun wanted to use the money he had made right away on Taeyong, made his heart swell and leap in ways that Taeyong didn’t think possible.

He hears the shower turn off, placing the velvet box back carefully so that it hadn’t looked messed with. He wipes his eyes, fighting the urge of the demanding smile turning at the end of his lips.

 

*

 

A congratulatory party ensues shortly after the project is done, and Taeyong is positively thrilled when Jaehyun invites him along. Taeyong is happy because one; he isn’t usually included in anything when it comes to Jaehyun’s work. And two; he has a handful of a few suave suits that he doesn’t get to wear often that he’s _dying_ to try out. He also can’t wait to set a good impression on his coworkers. Can’t wait to boast to them about how hard working and dedicated his boyfriend — soon to be fiance — is.

Taeyong can’t help the perk in his step, his arm wrapped perfectly in Jaehyun’s as they arrive at the party. Taeyong giggles when Jaehyun smoothly grabs the both of them two drinks from a server who was making his rounds with a tray, as if he were some dumbly rich man — like stupid amounts of money.

They go around making small talk with several of Jaehyun’s colleagues. Taeyong tries the best he can to pay attention to the conversations, but he’s a little too preoccupied in the lingering realization that Jaehyun’s hand has been inching lower bit by bit down his spine. It had began between his shoulder blades, but now it was nestled in the dip of the small of Taeyong’s back. He was also a little too distracted by how handsome Jaehyun looked tonight, freshly pressed black suit with a equally dark black dress shirt, and his light brown hair was swept back, showing off his well sculpted forehead. Taeyong could get used to this, seeing his boyfriend all gussied up and himself an equal match, pressed firmly against Jaehyun’s side.

They’re halfway into the party and Taeyong is feeling great, beyond happy — he’s on his third drink. He’s hardly paying attention to where Jaehyun is leading him anymore, too engrossed in the gorgeous dresses and tuxes that people are wearing. From the way that Jaehyun’s boss works him to the bone, he sometimes forgets that he works for such a high end company. But, there was no need to think about that tonight, he needed — no, _they_ needed — to destress, living in the moment right now. Taeyong grips a little bit at his reality and tunes out of his internal monologue when he feels Jaehyun slip is arm off of his waist. And then it hits him.

That smell. The nauseating cologne that he had smelt on Jaehyun far too many times to forget about. It was here, and it was staring him dead in the face. They both came to a halt, and Taeyong stood there breathless — feeling as if he had the wind knocked out of him — as he finally looked the person in the face.

“Taeyong, this is one of my team members. He helped me the most during all of that stress during the project” he chimed softly, yet the words were unbearably loud in Taeyong’s head, like pots and pans banging against his brain. Jaehyun casted his gaze to the man standing in front of them, a fond smile spreading across his face, and Taeyong felt like he could lurch at the very sight.

The young man introduced himself, voice smooth, calm, poised — everything that Taeyong was not right now. He reached his hand out to shake Taeyong’s hand, and when Taeyong looked down to take his, the rest of his world completely crumbled through his fingers. Like sand sliding through the cracks.

He was wearing the ring. The ring that he had saw in Jaehyun’s dresser. The one that he _thought_ Jaehyun had bought for him. The one that he _thought_ Jaehyun was going to propose to him with. But, it was never meant for him. Wrapped perfectly around this man’s finger, it was obviously sized just for him, not Taeyong. The drink in his other hand slipped from the feeble grip of his fingers, a loud crash and mess ensuing beneath them.

“Taeyong! Are you okay?” Jaehyun questioned, brows pinched in fret as he checked his hand for any cuts.

Taeyong hated himself. Hated how he had convinced himself that Jaehyun had come back to him. Hated how he constructed the belief that their relationship was getting back on track, rebuilding itself from the ground up. But, most of all, he hated how much he craved for the concern in Jaehyun’s face and voice to be real.

He was weak, _disgustingly_ weak. At this point, he didn’t blame Jaehyun for wanting someone better than himself, not when he was such a wretched human being. Because, all he wants is to still have Jaehyun, that’s all he asks for. That’s why, even with his rival standing a few feet in front of him, Taeyong can’t find the strength to curse him. Because, he knows that this man is better than him. He can’t find the strength to leave the party, to leave Jaehyun, in hopes to find someone else. Because, he doesn’t want someone else, he _wants_ Jaehyun. And he’s willing to stay here for him, so long as Jaehyun will have him.

That’s why he raises his head from the ring on the other man’s hand, straightens his shoulders, and extends his hand to take the other’s. That’s why he cuts off his emotions, they only get in the way. That’s why he finally lets himself completely fall, that glimmer of hope no longer in sight. All he sees is complete darkness.

Taeyong loves Jaehyun, but Jaehyun doesn’t love him — it’s as simple as that.

“Nice to meet you, my name is Taeyong.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that this story doesn't have a happy ending, but I wanted to try to go for a more dark concept.  
> How do you all feel about Taeyong's decision?  
> Feel free to yell at me in the comments lol


End file.
